Shih Tzu!

I wasn't able to blog for two weeks. Fourteen days of turmoil, decisions, heartaches, and sleepless nights. But it's over now. Everything has an end to it. Even if for a time you thought it's forever.

Now I can breathe a little easier. I don't have anything to be paranoid about anymore.

***

Resty called a little while ago. He wants me to adopt his shih tzu for a while. He's calling it quits with his wife. The wife gets to bring the child (a four-month old adopted baby), and Resty gets the shih tzu, which I am adopting for I don't know how long. I immediately said yes, for the thrill of having a dog the kind of which I never had before. A shih tzu! Angel (my niece) is also excited. But I'm gonna have a problem about it with my mother. For sure. We already own two dogs with large appetite who both eat table food. There's an ongoing rice shortage in the country. And Resty informed me his shih tzu also eat table food.

I just hope mother finds the shih tzu cute.

Pain or More Pain?

The heart and mind don't really forget. The intensity of the feeling just lightens and (in case of bad/sad memories) the pain becomes bearable, but it never goes away. Sometimes, the pain becomes bearable just because we become so used to it. Not that getting used to it lessens the pain, it just makes the pain bearable.

Just recently I was faced with a situation where I had to choose between (1) pain and (2) more pain. The first option will give me pain immediately after making the decision, while the second one will let me be happy for a while (only God knows how long that while is) before giving me tremendous heartache. Number 2 is very tricky, too, for there's a 20% chance that it would give me not pain but happiness. The other 80%, though, is sure pain. If I have the strongest faith in the world and I know how to practice the Law of Attraction so it would really 100% work on me, then perhaps I would have chosen number 2. But then I'm the melodramatic type of person. I like to think of life's dramas when I'm in an emotional mood, and with it comes the drama of breakups and heartaches. Law of Attraction will surely not work on me in a positive way on the situation.

I didn't really have to make the decision right away. I even had an option to prolong the decision-making, likewise prolonging my heart's bliss. But reality told me that the more I give in to the bliss, the more painful it will become. And so I made the decision of putting an end to the drama the first of this month. I chose number 1. Number 2 just won't do for me. I hate playing "what if's".

Dreams are for Kids

At the start we think we have found a gem, a perfect specimen to take part in our dream romance - she's this and that, never does this nor that. And then we fall in love, thinking that this newfound gem is way better than our last. We dive into a new relationship that makes our world so colorful in the first few months or so, makes our eyes glow and our cheeks flushed, and makes us once again think about the possibility of forever. And then we get used to the things that she does, we get tired of tolerating her little faults, we even come to the point of being irritated to the childish little ways that got us so attracted during the getting-to-know stage. We start wanting more, wanting her to do this and that, we start wanting her to be more of what we first thought was her. And then our worlds crumble.

And then we will promise ourselves not to fall in love again. We listen to Ne-Yo's So Sick, start calling our drinking buddies, start going out more often to the thought of (whether we admit it or not, and whether how much we convince ourselves not to fall in love again) meeting another person that will fit into our idea of a perfect mate.

And then we meet yet another prospect, and we start all over again. A cycle, reminds me of the evaporation/precipitation thingie in science class.

I like it, though, when none-romantic-writers write about relationships. They take it matter-of-factly. Let me quote Stephen King from the book (Dreamcatcher) that I am currently reading:

"You grew up, became a man, had to adjust to taking less than you hoped for; you discovered the dream-machine had a big OUT OF ORDER sign on it.

...that and maybe a big old sloppy-lipstick blowjob from this drunk chick out in his car. Wanting more is just a recipe for heartache.

Dreams are for kids."

headbands and a saved relationship

I never got the book Twisted8 (I'm buying one on Sunday). But I received lots of hair stuff - headbands in all sorts of colors; crimpers; iron... I guess my friends and family want me to keep my hair afro. None of the headbands fitted me, though. I really have a big head.

Anyway, I still have it going with The Second One. I don't know but perhaps I can't let go. I talked with my friend Aryz last night and told him about my plans of breaking it up with The Second One. Aryz told me to take it slow. I asked, "But how?" He said, "I don't know."

I'm really not the type to take it slow. It's not in my limited vocabulary. It's either now or never. I have to say what I got to say. There's no tomorrow. Perhaps that's where I'm wrong at. Perhaps that's the cause of all my failed relationships. But that's me. I've yet to meet the person who would yell back at me when I'm mad (not just keep quiet and then decide not to talk to me forever).

But then my day turned out quite fine. I was able to patch things up; was able to finally know what the problem was. I deserve it, I guess. I deserve to be happy. It's mah burtdey, after all.

the season

Been nearly 2 months since I last posted. I guess it's because I am really not good at multitasking. How can anyone handle 2 love affairs (one so after another), the season, business promos,and blogging? But I guess the first two are over now. And I'm back to normal again.

It wasn't in my agenda to indulge in such heart affairs, really. Not during the season. For I have spent so many Christmasses crying over a lost love. And I don't wanna have any more blue Christmas. But then they just came.. and conquered. The first one was a pre-Christmas affair; started getting sour the 21st of December. I was so worried that my Christmas would be blue until after a day, the 22nd of December, the second one started texting me like crazy. So my fear that my Christmas would be spent hurting over someone didn't happen. As a matter of fact, the "second one" and I became officially "us" on Christmas day.

But then I think it's failing, too...

Part of our text exchange Tuesday night:
The Second One: it's like i have no freedom anymore
Me: because of me?
The Second One: i dunno...
Me: was i so demanding of ur time? (i really don't remember being demanding)
The Second One: dnt know...

Hmm.. that doesn't sound so promising, does it? Well... "dnt know"...

Unlike the "others", I really don't make a fuzz about having no SO on Christmasses. It's so okay for me to be spending the season without. But celebrating Christmas and New Year with a broken heart is another thing. And it almost did happen again. Thanks to the second one who saved my heart during the season.