I Dreamed a Dream

I dreamt about dad last night. He was standing by the foot of the bed, smiling, looking at my dog sleeping beside me. He was a shadow, all black. But just as how dreams work, I just knew he was smiling.

And then I was awakened by the barking of my two other dogs sleeping at the kitchen. The clock’s hands said 4 in the morning. I got frightened. Dad died at the age of 50 in 1992.

I searched my still half-conscious mind for important dates in my dad’s life. Well, I don’t really dream about him on his birthdays or death anniversaries, but as a child I grew up with my mom connecting every single dream about a dead person to that person’s birthday or death anniversary. If it doesn’t fall on those occasions, important dates on the lives of the departed’s family are also considered. And even if the dreams and the dates don’t always coincide, the belief still remains.

So it wasn’t my dad’s birthday, nor his death anniversary. It wasn’t even his wedding anniversary with mom, nor any of his children’s birthdays. Lying awake, I wondered what the reason of his starring role in my dream could be.

Perhaps he just wanted to tell me he also likes my shih-tzu cuz he was smiling at it in my dream. The shih-tzu has been one of my sources of joy for over a year now; it actually takes away my day’s stress and somehow also makes me get organized – what if I have to arrange my schedules so I could be home for her meals or take a day off to bring her to the vet for the monthly grooming or the scheduled shots.

Perhaps dad is also amused that the dog is so smart and so jealous that she growls whenever I pet my other two big dogs.

Or perhaps dad just wanted to make sure that I don’t forget about him, and wanted to tell me that he’s just around, or behind me, like a shadow.

I love you dad. It may seem like it is, but believe me, you are not forgotten.